12.12.2011

Merry Christmas Gals,



I was in my quite place this morning; {aka the shower} thinking about how I have been hiding from my blog.

I know that sounds ridicules…but, it’s the raw truth.


Jesus and I have been played tug-a- war. He tells me “these things are part of the testimony I have given you.. so, I can be glorified.”

and I tell Him but,… Lord….I don’t wanna! My life is already a fish bowl. And I’m okay talking about things if asked…but, no one is asking Lord!

“No child, I am telling you”!



Last year I was diagnosed with Lupus: an Autoimmune Disease that truth be told… kicks my tail feathers!!!

When diagnosed, the Papa Blessings and I decided that we would not have any more blessing added to the Cottage as we had hoped.... since stress is a big trigger to flair ups.

8 months into my diagnoses we received a call for a 2 month old baby girl.

We declined {I cried}.

They called again. We declined {I cried}.

They called again…..
We prayed {I cried}. We prayed and prayed and prayed.

We both had this overwhelming peace that this is what He wanted.

We picked our precious Blessing girl and she immediately became OURS {just they all had}.


Then 3 weeks ago while at the market my phone rang… with what felt like a sucker punch right to my gut. Our baby was going back to her birth mother. My knees buckled, and I fell to the floor right in the isle way. But, Lord she is MY baby! We have loved her, and raised her for a year!

 "No, child. She is mine, and this is my will".

Of course there are so many more threads to this, and as each day passes we feel Gods arm squeezing us tight.

I can honestly tell you without a shadow of a doubt our faith has not skipped a beat. “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38



Is it painful?
Yes.


Do I mourn the loss of my precious Jo-Jo?
Absolutely!



I do not know WHY this is God’s plan for our lives {and hers} but, I know just as He took his time hanging each star just in the right place so He does with our lives and we CHOICE to thank Him.

2 comments:

Lisa Keck said...

Beautifully honest post. I am sorry for your loss. I saw a sign once that said God doesn't allow anything that isn't first filtered through His love. I guess you know that.

c love barros said...

pressing my "like" button